Friends don't hurt each other

A playground scratch taught me a hard lesson about adult relationships.

The After-School Surprise

I am loving the stage Alex is in right now. We are having more and more proper chats. We talk about the world, his toys, his favourite activities, and sometimes we talk about his school friends. It feels like getting to know a whole new person.

But a few days ago, the mood changed. He came back from school with a nasty scratch on his face.

Florence panicked a bit - as mums do - but I tried to stay calm. I asked Alex what happened. He told us the full story, but the short version is simple: one of his best friends scratched him with his fingernails.

The Wisdom of a Child

We went into “parent mode” immediately. We tried to explain it away to make him feel better.

We told him it was probably an accident. Maybe she didn’t mean to scratch him. Maybe she was just playing a bit too rough. We were trying to soften the blow.

But Alex looked at us and said something that stopped us in our tracks:

“Friends don’t hurt each other.”

There was nothing we could say after that. It was such a simple, absolute truth. We were trying to make excuses for his friend, but Alex saw it clearly. Friendship means safety, not excuses.

Zooming out

That moment made me think about our lives as adults.

How many times have you been hurt by a friend, only for them to say “sorry” later? How many times have you suffered, and their only explanation was, “It was just a mistake,” or “I didn’t know it would upset you”?

We use “I didn’t mean to” as a shield. But the truth is, the impact of our actions matters more than our intentions. Even if we don’t think our actions are a big deal, they can still cause pain.

Alex is right. We need to be more cautious. We need to think twice before we act or speak. Because even if it’s an accident, the scratch still stings.

Alex gives me new subjects to reflect on almost daily.

I owe him so much already.